Brooklyn, New York Thought Exercise 1/12/2009

~ Mohan Sikka

Purpose: To make a decision about going to Delhi over Xmas and attending MHS 25^th Reunion

Strategy: Enumerate pros and cons of going; evaluate; make decision

Cons of Going	Pros of Going	Note to Self (if decide to go)
Good chance of running into at least one abhi-tak-shaadi-nahin-hui-beta? aunty in Delhi.	Get to see parents and Grandma and the fave niece.	Practice script: No, aunty. Very happily unmarried. Keep tone neutral, smile, try to change topic.
Flying solo. No waking up next to his warm body for two weeks.	No fighting over bed space and covers for two weeks, woo hoo.	Be nice and share the comforter till departure date.
25-year absence from the scene. Will people even recognize me?	Get to see what everyone else looks like after 25 years.	Go to gym every evening btw now and departure. Consider dyeing hair.
Strange new dream: The first day of Class XI. I’m in a new section; the cliques have shifted; the shadow of college hovers over everything.	A chance that some old dreams may finally stop, especially the recurring boards-are-starting-tomorrow-and-I-forgot-to-copy-Anu Dang’s-notes.	Yoga. Meditation. Other centering exercises. Tell boyfriend to wake me up if I shout: I have to study for the JEE, Ma’am. Find someone else to play Oedipus Rex.
Voice of Reason: Ticket mahengi hai. Time kum hai. If things don’t go well, you’ll be moping about it for months. You’ve worked for so hard to be done with the past; don’t regress.	Voice of Excitement: Jaana hai. Mujhe jaana hai. Mujhe apne ateet se milne ki shadeed khwahish hai. I can’t pretend any more that I don’t have a history.	Still feel like the geeky boy some days. How strange, this life.
Major blank in recalling names potentially embarrassing.	GB, Poonam, Mahip, Isaac, Punya, Kirti, Rahul V, Anuj, Deepika and the sorority sisters, all you other angels. Your names are tumbling into my ears and out of my mouth. You’ve all been keeping bits of my heart for 25 years.	Stay close to Vikram and GB for quick who’s-who reminders.
The likelihood of a repeat encounter with the abhi-bhi-time-hai-beta aunty on the way out of Delhi.	Prosaic discomforts of extended family probably balanced by the amount of fun had at the reunion.

Analysis: Thought exercise has made old, disconnected memories rise up like Campa Cola bubbles: freezing in shorts till Class X; the red gravel of the school driveway; handball in the morning; assembly (first outside, then in); Akbar House Functions; canteen raids; the dark streaks of ink on light blue uniforms; the huddle of those same uniforms at Nirula’s; editing Sandesh with Zaki; class with Binjoo; class with Giri; class with Kona. On and on. Many crisp, bright strokes, a few dark, blurry ones.

Decision: Not even close! See you all on the 26^th.